For years, I've felt like I could barely keep my head above water. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD. A therapist once told me that I was the most resilient person they had ever met. The truth was, I just didn't know how much pain I was in. I didn't know how to take care of me. I didn't want to either.
Now, more than ever (at least for me), it is important that we all focus on feeding our souls. Yet, we're not always sure how to do this. Perhaps you are even looking it up (like I have) and keep getting told to light a candle and soaking in a tub. These are enjoyable activities, but is that all there is? No, there is more. The confusion, and a limit on menu items and suggestions, seems to stem from the fact that there are two concepts that are used interchangeably. Separating them helps provide clarification and guidance (though there is crossover). These concepts are self-care and self-maintenance.
Self-Maintenance is activities focused on maintaining your personal aesthetic. Examples of this are styling your hair, using a face-mask, manicures, shaving, etcetera. Don't get me wrong! These activities are extremely lovely and can crossover into self-care. Still, these activities take a lot of time, effort, and can be exhausting (waxing, I'm looking at you right now).
Self-care is when you jump to the activities that are soul-feeding. A few examples of this are journaling, reading a book that motivates you or develops you spiritually and/or psychologically, an amazing podcast, a comedy, talking to people who uplift you (I'm thinking of Zoom meetings with my darling Candace right now!), hiking in nature, etcetera.
For me, Yoga started out as self-maintenance in November of 2019. I wanted abs, damn it! Yoga seemed to be something I could do when struggling with complex PTSD. I promised myself I would do at least 5 minutes of yoga, every single day. I selected Yoga with Adriene because it is free on YouTube, she posts a daily calendar comprised of different daily workouts. I hate doing the same thing daily. I went in determined to lose weight and get abs. I had no idea that it would change everything for me.
True to my type-A perfectionist personality, I started Yoga the same way I start everything, diving in and expecting perfection. I pushed into the poses, muscled through the hard parts, and berated myself properly when I turned out to be a human trying something new. I did yoga while being evacuated due to massive fires locally, when ill, while stressed, and I did it every day. Every workout, Adriene kept on me, encouraging me to change from the inside out.
She encouraged me to see my mat as a laboratory for life. It was a safe place where it was my job to listen and experiment on myself to see how I interact with life off of the mat. What did I say to myself when I tried something new? I promise you, it wasn't nice. How dare I need to practice! If I were doing something very difficult, what did I do when times got rough? I berated myself because it wasn't easy. How dare I bump into difficulties! What did I say when I was trying to work out and it was interrupted? It was often interrupted by family, pets, students, neighbors, etc.? My conclusion was: life doesn't go as planned and it must be my fault. How did I talk to myself, my own body? I starved and abused my body to achieve a sense of control. I had no idea I was so self-abusive. If it wasn't for my little laboratory, I doubt I would've ever caught it. I'm still catching.
A year and 1 month later, I'm still doing it. My goal remains unchanged. I've lost nearly 20 lbs. My posture is better. I move with more ease. My balance is much better! I am so much stronger. I have more energy. I've achieved so much more than I expected to achieve physically. Still, what surprises me the most is that I received so much more than I expected spiritually and mentally.
Mentally and spiritually I learned that things I say/do on the mat, directly and indirectly, transfer off of the mat and into life. It gave me a lot to pray about, a lot to journal and showed me my self-abuse and loathing. For the first time, I saw my fear of trying anything new for what it was. The fear of being imperfect, being unacceptable, and rejected. I was mean to myself to prepare for the hatred I expected around every corner. I had bought into this idea that only failures feel that life is difficult. Everything should be approached with ease and a smile, right? Because of that lie, I felt like a moral and spiritual failure because I couldn't always wear a real smile. It caused me to develop a better relationship with myself. It pushed me to develop a more authentic relationship with my higher power.
Yoga is one of the many tools in my self-care toolbox. Self-care helps us uncover ourselves, love ourselves, accept ourselves, and develop ourselves (mind, body, and/or soul). age you to develop your toolbox.
How does this fit into self-care and this blog? My aim is to help others know that they aren't alone, there's no shame in the life struggle, and sometimes we just need a safe place. We can be empowered by growing in every area of our life and living it to its fullest, but that won't happen without sharing, without conversation, without compassion. Life is an infinite circle, and the outcome always comes back to us.
What tools do you have? Think about it. Do you have more or less than you thought? Either way is fine! Pat yourself on the back if you've been able to care for your mind, body, and soul. If you haven't, where are you suffering and what could you do for five minutes to help yourself? You may need to ask for help. You'll have to do some research. Perhaps you could ask for help and do some research for five minutes? I'm here. So many other people are here for you too.
If you are interested in developing yoga as a tool, I recommend trying Yoga with Adriene. A new free 30 days of Yoga starts on January 1st and you'll get emails (if you sign up for them) to generate conversation and thoughts.
I'd love to hear what everyone else is carrying around in their tool belt!
Sources:
The new Yoga challenge: https://yogawithadriene.com/breath-a-30-day-yoga-journey/
Videos worth watching: https://youtu.be/RfKlNXCxij8 how to reset for 2021: reflect & celebrate small wins (week 1) Rowena Tsai #Operation Un-Potato
https://youtu.be/sOANtRHAsPs Self-Care #WOMANLY (though it is called Womanly, it is good for everyone)
https://youtu.be/MMSJpLQ8nWg How 5 minutes could change your life #5min #atomichabits #jamesclear #Kirsten Naturally
Books worth a look: Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. By James Clear
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The French Art of Not Giving a F*ck: The simple secret to true happiness, the French way. By Fabrice Midal
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